Ideas, Thoughts, Jokes

 Ideas that should become reality:

• Why can't laptops shut down while closed? I want to be able to click "shut down" and close the laptop immediately.
• TV remotes should have 2 programmable volume settings: 1 for your regular program, 1 for commercials. I don't understand why commercials are allowed to be much louder. And I hate it.
• Why can't widescreen DVDs have menus in widescreen (they are always in full screen)?
• Why can't the captions in widescreen movies be in the bottom black band? Sometimes you just can't read it over the graphics.
• All DVDs should be available in widescreen only. People still viewing full screen will just miss what's on the side edges. Maybe they will get frustrated and get a widescreen tv. Make it a law, like digital tv broadcast and those boxes.
• Sprinklers should have a motion sensor (like outdoor security lights), except when they sense movement they should not turn on.
• All glass should be tempered glass. Why not?
• Can a dryer vent be rerouted to be part of your heater, like blow into the same air ducts?
• Why do only ice cream trucks play music? What about the mail man? Waste collector? School bus? Taxi? Hearse? Mall security
• There should be individual coffee bags like tea bags, for single serving size cups.
• There should be more Capri Sun-like pouches for other beverages: single serving wine, beer, water.
• Why can't there be an undo button inside elevators?

Jokes (warning: some are not pc):

• Why does a rapper carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle.
• What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
• What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A public tutor.
• What can be found in Jeffrey Dalmer's freezer? Ben and Jerry.
• What can be found in Jeffrey Dalmer's kitchen? Joe.
• What can be found in Jeffrey Dalmer's bathroom? Head and shoulders.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, and playing in a pile of leaves? Russell.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, in a pool: Bob.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, in a fight with a cat? Claude.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, in a hole? Phil.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, hanging over your window?
 Curt and Rod.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, buried 6 feet under? Doug.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, on stage? 
Mike.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, under your car?
 Jack.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, hanging on your wall?
 Art.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, in your mail box? Bill.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, in the bathroom? John.
• What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, on a grill?
 Frank.
• What do you call a girl with no arms and legs, on a grill? Patty
• What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen.
• When is a car not a car? When it turns into a garage.
• What did they award the person who invented the door knocker? The No-bell Prize.
• What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look, I'm changing.
• How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut.
• What do you call a song played on car horns? A car tune.